Attachment Theory
Understanding the Patterns That Shape Our Relationships
Attachment theory offers a gentle framework for understanding why we connect the way we do. It’s not about labelling ourselves, but about noticing the patterns that once kept us safe and how they continue to shape our relationships in the present. These patterns are formed early in life, but they’re not fixed, they can soften, shift, and heal over time.
Most people fall into one of four attachment tendencies: secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganised. These are not diagnoses, they are relational styles that reflect how we learned to relate to closeness, conflict, and emotional expression. For some, closeness feels comforting. For others, it feels overwhelming or unpredictable. Some people crave reassurance, while others feel safest with distance.
“Secure attachment is not the absence of struggle, it is the presence of repair.” — Diane Poole Heller
Understanding your attachment style is not about blaming the past. It’s about compassion. It’s about seeing how your nervous system learned to protect you and how those protections show up now, sometimes in ways that limit your ability to feel safe in connection. Awareness creates possibility. It allows us to pause, to choose differently, and to practise new ways of relating.
The most important truth of attachment theory is that we are not stuck. Relationships, whether with partners, friends, family, or therapists, have the power to reshape our internal templates over time. With consistency, attunement, and emotional safety, attachment patterns can heal, soften, and evolve.
