Understanding the Window of Tolerance
Finding Your Steady Ground
We all have moments where we feel steady, clear, and able to respond to life with a sense of groundedness. And we all have moments where things feel too much, where emotions rise quickly, thoughts spiral, or we disconnect completely. None of this means you’re “too sensitive” or “not coping.” It simply means your nervous system is doing its best to protect you.
This natural range of emotional and physiological steadiness is known as the Window of Tolerance. It comes from trauma-informed therapy and describes the zone where we feel regulated enough to think, feel, connect, and make choices that align with who we want to be.
Understanding your window isn’t about judgment. It’s about compassionlearning why you respond the way you do, and gently widening your capacity over time.
“Learning to recognise when we are leaving our window of tolerance gives us the opportunity to pause, regulate, and come back into ourselves.”
— Dr. Dan Siegel
What Is the Window of Tolerance?
Imagine a space inside you where you feel present and emotionally available. Within this window:
you can handle everyday stress
emotions feel manageable
your body feels relatively calm
you can access curiosity, reflection, and choice
When we’re outside the window, we typically move into one of two protective states:
1. Hyperarousal — “too much, too fast”
This might look like anxiety, overwhelm, racing thoughts, irritability, panic, or feeling like you’re constantly on alert.
Your system is saying: “I need to get safe quickly.”
2. Hypoarousal — “numb, flat, disconnected”
This might feel like emotional shutdown, exhaustion, fogginess, or feeling far away from your body.
Your system is saying: “This is too much, I need to conserve energy.”
Both states are protective. Both make sense when viewed through the lens of your history, environment, and what your nervous system has learned to expect.
Why Does My Window Shrink?
Our window is influenced by:
early attachment experiences
trauma or chronic stress
burnout
health conditions
lack of support
feeling unsafe in relationships or environments
Over time, repeated overwhelm can teach the body to narrow its window as a form of self-protection. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, it means your body has been working incredibly hard.
How Do I Widen My Window of Tolerance?
Widening happens slowly, gently, and through consistent support. Some helpful practices include:
• Grounding and breathwork
Helps settle the nervous system so you can come back into yourself.
• Co-regulation
Being with safe people who help your system soften and steady.
• Naming what’s happening
Language creates a bridge between the body and the mind.
• Therapy that feels attuned and paced
The right therapeutic relationship can support you to explore difficult experiences without slipping into overwhelm.
• Noticing early signs
Your body often whispers before it screams.
A Gentle Reminder
Your nervous system isn’t failing you, it’s protecting you.
Understanding your window is the first step in reclaiming choice, connection, and calm.
You’re not meant to navigate this alone. With support, your window can widen, and life can begin to feel more manageable, grounded, and spacious.